Sympathy Pains: Quit Your Jibber Jabber

You know what I assume is the most fun part about being a pregnant woman? I mean, besides crippling morning sickness (which apparently lasts all day and carries on for months at a time, like God is getting back at you all at once for every timne you miraculously escaped a hangover)or the total exhaustion caused by an ever-growing midget trying to steal your life-force. It's the awkwardnes that comes from the non-stop diarrhea of the mouth everyone else has in reaction to your current physical state.

Just think about this for a minute, who is more psychologically vulnerable about their outward appearance than a pregnant woman? The answer is Kanye West, but that's about it. And who has to deal with more unintentionally damaging public commentary and scrutiny on a daily basis? Nobody, that's who. But it's some sort of Pavlovian response for people who encounter a pregnant woman to immediately comment on her current state.

Examples:
"Wow, you look great. My friend Jenny looks like a planet right now, and she's only a month further along then you!"
-Great, as my hormones begin to rage and I get more sensitive I can take comfort in the fact that people will start comparing me to whole other worlds in a few short weeks.

"Are you wearing maternity clothes? Wow, those things cover up so well, let me see!"
-Yes, the items I spent hours of my life and hundreds of dollars on to hide the fact that my body is eeking it's way towards Grimace from McDonald's status, have now been completely validated by you exposing my Houdini-like clothes and pointing out how round my body is truly becoming underneath it all. What a friend.

"You're glowing!"
-In real life we call this sweating. It's the natural human reaction to an alien life form attempting to roundhouse kick his way out of your uterus.