It's Been A While

Sorry, no blog posts for a while, but I've been savoring my last holiday season as a sane non-parent as much as possible. What did I do while not writing this adorably irreverent blog you ask? I guess the easiest way to catch you up to speed is by using my words.

I spent a large chunk of my free time debating what to buy a very pregnant wife. This is much harder than it sounds as you must factor into the equation not only size and shape for clothing items that will fit now or after she pushes the litter bugger out, but also things that she will enjoy now and after the aformentioned bugger-pushing. Luckily a large chunk of the best gifts were bought online and I was not forced to murder anyone in the Target Greatland shopping center.

I also watched a ton of movies I have been meaning to catch up on and sports. Sure, I might be able to do this in small doses once the midget is born, but while I'm still able to fall asleep on the couch watching a Charger game or get all excited about seeing Bullit for the first time I am going to do it, dammit.

Lastly, I spent another chunk of my non-blogging time puking my guts out. I'm not sure if it was the flu or food poisoning, but either way it knocked me the fuck out. This doesn't sound like much fun, and it most certainly did suck balls, but I was all alone at home on my hands and knees for the better part of a Sunday just heaving into the toilet. After a while I got a litlle looney and started to yell at myself and the toilet. My favorite line went something like this,  "There's nothing left!!! You took it all, you sunofabitch. There is nothing left for me to give", violent vomiting, "...shit.". I may have to start changing my vomiting curses up when the boy arrives, but I thought I'd go out in glorious fashion. It was really some of my best work.

So that's it. I was sick, shopping, and lounging instead of blogging. Back to it now and hopefully not so much puking in the very near future.