Prepare To Be Creepy

Still playing the waiting game, but the end is in sight. Doctor says if the wife's womb ejection button isn't pressed by Tuesday night, then let the induction begin! That means by this time next week I will be a father...aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

Of course this feeling of semi-closure has really lit a fire under my ass to make sure I'm preparing myself for the onslaught of crying and what not in a most practical manner. I've been hounding all my friends with kids under the age 5 to get their advice on how to cope with the first few months of absolute madness. It's kind of funny, I have resigned myself to believing so much in the unavoidable chaos of parenthood that I feel completely at ease with whatever is looming on the horizon for me. It's kind of like when I saw the movie Snakes On A Plane. I went in with my friends expecting the worst, most painful experience possible and ended up laughing our asses off because not only did the movie meet our incredibly low bar, but once you remove all hope and just let go it makes it so much easier to enjoy these things. Also, the sake bombs probably didn't hurt either, and after annoying everyone in the restaraunt, having hours absolutely vanish in a total blur, and having to be responsible for my semi-retarded friends practically drooling with laughter, in hindisght, it seems to be at least a mildly good analogy for parenthood.

Back to thoughts actually directly related to parenting. Among the most intriguing advice I got from friends was the 5S methodology being spread by followers of the slightly creepy bearded pediatrician in the video below. He seems like a good enough guy, and his method makes an amazing amount of logical sense, but the only thing more amazing then the light switch like results the method garners, is just how creepy the kind-hearted pediatrician appears while "jiggling and shushing" people's babies to sleep...


If you had just seen that video without knowing that the guy was an actual pediatrician, and what his methodology was rooted in, would you not be about as creeped out as the first time you realized that your parents had to have sex in order to make you?

Along the same train of thought as the previous video, the video below was passed onto me by my friend who came across this similar technique while living in Europe. It uses a piece of, uh..."furniture" I guess you could say, instead of just your bare hands and creepy beard and shushing, but again, without the explanation wouldn't you just think that this was a video produced by Dick Cheney's "How To Get The Answers You Want Out Of Your Baby" video line?



After doing all my research I have decided I will just let the pug be responsible for raising the kid. Even if it doesn't work out so well for the boy's development, at least all the mistakes he makes will be adorably framed by a pug lens.